How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
