the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
