Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
