He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
