after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
