I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
