just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
