sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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