and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
