Im at strip club and am horny
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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