i think my tv is drunk
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
