My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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