What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
