i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
