it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
