never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I have so many feelings about this burrito
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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