when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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