Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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