And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
