You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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