dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Mom said you looked used
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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