Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Holy shit dude........stairs
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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