i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ladies don't puke and tell
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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