I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
