After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
