I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I can't turn off my feet"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize