Already got asked if we're dating
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
