Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my being single is dangerous.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
