Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
A bitchslap is in order.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize