paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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