I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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