we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
