the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
