At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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