My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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