I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My vagina is officially offended.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
