i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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