R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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