listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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