I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
