I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
