Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
