All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
