don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
whose parrot is this?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
