They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
