she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
