Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
