Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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