Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
