There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Shame - the story of my life.
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