Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
