Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
