ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
