Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
