Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize