Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
