I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
