i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
don't judge my taste in strippers
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
