yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
