you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
