im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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