just tell him i said nine months
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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