i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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