i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
