Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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