Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
