someone get that fucking seahorse.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
