Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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