You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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