The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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